He would walk through their house, look at everything she had done, paintings, craft work, the bed where she had slept, the pillow on which she had la...n her head. He lost all energy, all drive, all will to live. He stopped looking after himself, would go for days without getting out of bed, without eating. He ended up in hospital, dehydrated and mostly starved. His children had their own lives and didn’t need the extra burden that he would be. He didn’t want to be in this life anymore. Many. That stopped when I saw a fin cutting the water a couple of hundred yards away. I had no desire to be a shark's dinner and put no trust in what I'd read about most sharks being 'non-aggressive' unless there was blood in the water. Still, it was an item for my daily position report.It took me thirty days to get to Bridgetown, Barbados, where I spent time and money dealing with the formalities. It was only the second time I'd 'gone foreign', the first being Madeira, but Madeira is Portuguese,. I started to wonder if it was evenhumanly possible for a guy to be so open, so caring.I started to no longer feel trapped inside my sister's body, hating it,rejecting it.I realized why I was so distraught and suddenly so hateful of my femalebody. Before all I was doing was embracing the physical side of beingfemale but my consciousness, my male mind so trained to be a certain waywas still locked. It took me till now in this class to open up and touchthat feminine side.I had always known it was. The next morning, my sister goes to the bathroom (always external :-P) for first and when she returns in the room she is always with the pajama and she tells me that i can go to the bathroom because she must dress and also she says at me that she must put the stockings :-P and so i was very glad :-P because i love watching girls in stockings or in pantyhose (in the specific case of my sis then... :-P) and so i'm gone in the bathroom external :-P and, under the shower, i succeed right away at.
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